MY FOOD NIGHTMARE

-- VAIBHAV SHAH

Have you ever felt like killing the waiter for the chef's mistake? Or stabbing the manager to death because of the food that you've been served?

Well..I almost did that in my mind when I had the worst experience till date (hopefully never again) at a resto-bar "Rainforest" Andheri.. Now replaced by 'Pizza Express'. For obvious reasons as will follow.

Wondering how did I end up there? No occasion. No celebration. Just a 'keeda' as they say, to try a new restaurant. I can describe the ambience in one word, 'Shady'.

They thought just planting some saplings inside the restaurant with a dark atmosphere and wooden tables would suffice. Absolutely Rubbish. And that's not the end of my nagging. Not yet son, not yet.

So before serving us water, which you normally expect, they serve you these appetizers, salad made from beans and lentils. It didn't actually matter what they served us, as you could barely see what you were eating, due to such dark atmosphere.

But no one can be that dumb to feel something crawling on their hands right? Bamboozled? No no. Beans, lentils and a cockroach. Sounds like a nightmare right? No. This is not the nightmare.

Before nagging about the cockroach in the salad and after being to so many kitchens around the city's best restaurants, I do know the poor level of hygiene that's maintained inside. So I wasn't surprised to see the cockroach. Surprise was the manager's reaction after being called upon to complain.

The conversation goes as follows:

Me: Sir, Aapke khana bahut unhygienic hai. Khane mein cockroach mila. (Kept the cockroach in front of him by its antlers)

Manager: Sir, Rainforest ka theme hai, Cockroach toh aayege hi na.

That's it. For the first time I so wanted to decriminalize killing of humans. Had it been legal, his children would be orphans by now. I wish I could abuse in Hindi. :(

So we politely asked him to take the bowl away and serve us water instead, for which we've been longing for. Then we ordered Rotis and Sabzis for 5 of us. Corn Paneer Mirch Masala (spicy food, nomnom) and Deewani Handi. Rotis, the usual.

It arrives after 25 long minutes. By then the keeda in us had already given up on them. Oh, the sabzi. Do you know how the salt pan tastes like? No? Then try Deewani Handi. So much salt, that Tata's should have contracted them for supplying salt. So much salt, the blood pressure of sabzis would have shot up to a three digit number.

"What is this?" I asked the waiter. Poor lad. Must be an intern there. He knew zilch about why I called him. Moreover, he knew nothing about the cockroach incident, which meant he had no idea what we've been through since we've come at this jungle.

Looking at my expressions he knew the situation was certainly not in his hand. Again comes the manager, the saint. "What is this? Your food has more salt than your brain has". Out rightly insulted him. Yes, you don't mess with me, my food to be specific.

He now knew his mistake. He tasted the sabzi and took away before I could shove it on his face. Embarrassed and humiliated he asked whether we would ask for something else on its replacement. We surely asked. But for the cheque.

We wanted to get out of this jungle now. We checked the bill. They charged us for Deewani Handi. I felt suicidal now. Killing the staff was not a solution I felt. Still paid the bill for the entire amount and left with a helpless grin on face.

#food #thetravellingfoodie #myfoodnightmare